1 00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:03,628 STEVE: It's board game night, baby. 2 00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,296 {\an8}Monopoly? 3 00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:06,464 {\an8}Uh, hell, yeah. 4 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:09,843 {\an8}- Proceed directly to "Go." - Cards Against Humanity? 5 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:14,180 On your mark, get set. Laugh your ass off! 6 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,974 I've never seen this one before. 7 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:19,019 {\an8}(STEVE READING) 8 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,979 Sounds wicked boring, bro. 9 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:25,650 Actually, it seems like this game could be low-key sick-ass. 10 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,777 You spend flash points to move the question flag 11 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:28,903 and get answer points. 12 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,114 Unspent flash points are called nullifiers. 13 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,824 Whoever reaches flashpoint parity wins. 14 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,076 - Any questions? - Um... 15 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:38,288 Great. So, Francine, I rolled the Conundrum die, 16 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,707 and it looks like you're entering a Probe Period. 17 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,209 - Oh, no! - No, it's a good thing. 18 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,253 Or a bad thing. 19 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:48,339 You have to announce how many nullifiers you have in your Quandary deck. 20 00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:50,967 - Oh, okay. - And it's okay to lie. 21 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,720 - Oh, okay. - Mom decided to lie. 22 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,472 No, she didn't. 23 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,766 - Okay. Say the number. - Here it comes. 24 00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:01,853 I have... three nullifiers. 25 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:04,355 You decided to tell the truth at the last second. 26 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:05,815 - No. - That's a lie. 27 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,817 I declare Reciprocity Challenge. 28 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:10,779 Mom has three nullifiers. It's embarrassingly obvious. 29 00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,490 - This game is stupid. - That's a disjunction. 30 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,616 That's two flash points. 31 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:18,036 Mom, don't get mad because you're so easy to read. 32 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:21,790 - I'm not mad. - (BOTH LAUGH) 33 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,542 Okay. Sure, Mom. Look at her neck. 34 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:27,128 - So red. - I'm not mad! 35 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:31,591 I just remembered I'm... I'm getting an oil change tomorrow 36 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,928 and I haven't driven enough miles yet, so I got to go. 37 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:38,264 Sorry to run, but we've had a lot of laughs about me. 38 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,808 And I like that. 39 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:42,936 Mom, don't go. We were just having fun. 40 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,395 We don't want you to cry. 41 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:45,814 I'm not crying. 42 00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:54,030 - (SOBBING) - Mom, we can hear you crying. Come back. 43 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:57,867 I'm not crying. I'm laughing! 44 00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,829 (LAUGHING AND SOBBING) 45 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:05,041 JEFF: Mr. Klaus, I swallowed a question flag 46 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,960 and I need to go to the hospital. 47 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,586 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 48 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,924 (SINGING) Good morning, USA 49 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,594 I got a feeling That it's gonna be a wonderful day 50 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:19,639 The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face 51 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,226 And he's shining a salute To the American race 52 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:29,232 Oh, boy, it's swell to say 53 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,526 Good morning, USA 54 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,610 ROGER: Ah! 55 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:37,115 {\an8}CHORUS: Good morning, USA 56 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,033 (FRANCINE SOBBING) 57 00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,879 (SCREAMING) 58 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,839 - All right. That's enough of this. - (SCREAMS) 59 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,008 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 60 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,927 {\an8}I thought you hid in Stan's car every night. 61 00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,053 {\an8}Why were you in mine? 62 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:02,473 {\an8}Not proud of it, but I badly needed some cash for Funko Pops. 63 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,517 {\an8}Decided to steal your catalytic converter. 64 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,270 {\an8}Then I realized I don't know what a catalytic converter is, 65 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,354 {\an8}or where it is, even. 66 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,815 {\an8}Thought it'd be in the foot well, but it's dark down there 67 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:11,900 and I fell asleep. 68 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,234 What's bothering you, Franny? 69 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,485 It's the kids. 70 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:18,740 {\an8}They act like my every thought is so obvious to them. 71 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:22,202 {\an8}Like I'm just a big old obvious Mom. 72 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,622 {\an8}And what gets me most upset is they're right. 73 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:29,375 {\an8}So they can read you very easily. And this makes you unhappy? 74 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,961 {\an8}What if they couldn't read you so easily? 75 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:35,340 {\an8}- That might make you happy. - Probably not, but I want it. 76 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:39,719 {\an8}Sounds like you need a poker face and a serendipitous stroke of luck. 77 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,055 {\an8}Tonight, I'm being the Gambler. 78 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,849 {\an8}- The Gambler? - Yes, the Gambler from the song. 79 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:47,685 {\an8}Although I have a complicated relationship with that song, frankly. 80 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:49,270 {\an8}Is it a good song? Yes. 81 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,940 {\an8}Was Kenny Rogers able to get his version of the story out 82 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,193 {\an8}before I could release my book detailing when to hold them and fold them? 83 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,695 {\an8}Why is it good for me that you're the Gambler? 84 00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:00,657 {\an8}Because my game is poker, and I think if we were able to 85 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,742 {\an8}sit down and play a little poker, 86 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,578 {\an8}I could get a look at your tells, figure out what's tipping Steve 87 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,372 {\an8}and Hayley off about your every thought. 88 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,541 {\an8}- I'm not sure. - There's your first tell. 89 00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:13,586 {\an8}Your broken posture says to me, "I'm not sure." 90 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:14,879 {\an8}I said it out loud. 91 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:18,341 {\an8}The ultimate tell. The only hard part is finding a game. 92 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,011 Let's see. Buckle has a treehouse game, but it's a pretty rich crowd, 93 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,888 and also I struggle with the rope ladder. 94 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:26,140 There's a game of Five Card Stud in the sewers, 95 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,226 where the toilet water gets all over you 96 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,228 and you're guaranteed to get bit by rats. 97 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,188 But the downside is, I don't like stud. 98 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,107 There's also a nightly game of Hold'em 99 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,150 in the back of this grocery store right here. 100 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,236 So the sewer game, I guess? 101 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,405 No, wait. The grocery store. It's so close. 102 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,619 Most people don't know it, 103 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:50,248 but there's a lot of hot action in the back of supermarkets late at night. 104 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,583 - (ALL CHEERING) - ROGER: Nope. 105 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,588 Ba-ba-ba-bingo. 106 00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,757 I mean, pa-pa-pa-poker. 107 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,135 Francine, meet the players. 108 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,804 Chinchilla Slim, an old lady who always wears 109 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,098 an enormous fur coat and a cowboy hat. 110 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,851 Tom, from the grocery store. This grocery store. 111 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,270 He's got a nice, slim build but it's not in his name. 112 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,731 Then, as usual, there's three performers 113 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,400 from whatever traveling Cirque du Soleil show is in town. 114 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,444 Their bodies are insane. 115 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,321 Am I talking about people's bodies too much? 116 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,447 Let's just play cards. 117 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,408 I'll watch for your tells and we'll talk if I notice anything big. 118 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,369 Your eyes twitch when you need a card, 119 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,997 you bite and spit your nails when you're bluffing. 120 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,582 And when you get a face card, 121 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,918 you actually say out loud, "Oh, Mr. Mooney." 122 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,546 I didn't know I was doing any of that. 123 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,340 It's bad, but don't despair. 124 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,383 You're with the Gambler himself. 125 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,385 Didn't you die in that song? 126 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:46,095 Kenny took a lot of license there. 127 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:49,098 I fell asleep very, very hard. I did not die. 128 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,600 Roger, help me. 129 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,102 Surface tells are easy to handle with props. 130 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,688 Wrist weights, fake lips, mechanical ears. 131 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,816 But for the subtle unconscious tells, we have to go deeper. 132 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:00,860 If you'll allow me, I'd like to guide you 133 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,112 through a helpful visualization technique. 134 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,239 All right, close your eyes. 135 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,326 I need you to picture yourself standing alone 136 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,952 in a field of golden wheat. 137 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,871 Barley, if you know your grains. 138 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,915 FRANCINE: Oh, wow, I can see it. 139 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,834 Now, I want you to back away from yourself. 140 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,462 Let yourself get farther and farther away. 141 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,089 Not so far that you're gone, 142 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,049 but until you can't see your face clearly. 143 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,177 FRANCINE: Okay, I'm far away. 144 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,429 How is this gonna help me hide my feelings? 145 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:29,722 ROGER: Open your eyes. 146 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,892 You won. They couldn't read you. 147 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:37,939 (GROANS) That was an incredible hand to play so stone-faced, little lady. 148 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:41,901 Looks like my no-good kids better watch out, 149 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,987 'cause Mom isn't so easy to read anymore. 150 00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:48,449 (MEN CLAMORING) 151 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,620 That's right. Look over there, not over here. 152 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,336 Last night was amazing, Roger. 153 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:03,381 I really felt like I could hide my emotions. 154 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,966 STAN: Where the hell have you been? 155 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,427 I've been worried sick all the 10 minutes 156 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,679 since I woke up after sleeping nine hours straight. 157 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,890 Excuse me. I have to take this phone upstairs. 158 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:13,975 There's no call. 159 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:18,563 I'm sorry to worry you, honey, but after I got so upset last night... 160 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,315 Upset? But you repeatedly said you weren't upset 161 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,901 before you stormed off in what I assumed was elation. 162 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,027 And what is this? 163 00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,738 - FRANCINE: I can explain. - I should hope so, 164 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,825 because if you think I'm going to let this slide... Is that a fur coat? 165 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,494 I won that from Chinchilla... 166 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:34,662 It's a man's coat, right? 167 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,581 No. 168 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:40,001 Anyway, last night, I think I learned something... 169 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:43,796 Some things aren't a husband's business. You were out. Who am I to ask where? 170 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,506 I'll make you some sausage and peppers. 171 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:46,591 You gotta be hungry. 172 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,302 Or maybe you're not. Maybe you ate. It's not for me to know. 173 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,764 Mom, are you just getting home? 174 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:58,478 Oh, it just drives you crazy to not know what I'm up to. 175 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,771 So you're up to something. 176 00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,899 - Um... - Mom's up to something? 177 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,192 - Steve! - What's going on? 178 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,735 It's a Probe Period! 179 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,361 What I actually said was, 180 00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:10,323 "Never count your money when you're sitting at the table, 181 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,367 "because you should get one of those money-counting machines. 182 00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,369 "They're faster." Hello? 183 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,788 The bastard Kenny Rogers hung up on me. 184 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,707 Didn't he die years ago? 185 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,793 - Sounds right. - I thought I had a poker face now. 186 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:26,172 But it still feels like the kids can see right through me. 187 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,299 Well, yeah. I mean, you only did one night. 188 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:31,344 Getting a killer poker face will take more hands than that. 189 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,471 Then I gotta play more. 190 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:36,474 Is this really the right solution for your problem with the kids? 191 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,477 It's your solution that you recommended. 192 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:40,937 You passed my test. 193 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,856 - How was it a test? - It was just an intricate little test. 194 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,066 Let's go play poker. 195 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,780 Chimdale Stakes Casino. 196 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,199 This is where the constant action is. 197 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:57,870 It's very grim, but also very bright at the same time. 198 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,748 You gotta moisturize. The cigarette smoke will dry you out. 199 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:03,501 And eat your "P" fruits. Pears, peaches, plums. 200 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:06,087 Because all the sitting and the Red Bulls will stop you up. 201 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,881 Look at this room. There isn't a regular BMer in the lot. 202 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,383 Hemorrhoids, every which way. 203 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:14,554 Hey, it's Chinchilla Slim. Hi, Chinchilla Slim. 204 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,223 You took the only coat I had in this whole world. 205 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,641 Don't say hi to me. 206 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,727 I don't know anyone else yet. What's that over there? 207 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,563 ROGER: That area's for high rollers. 208 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,856 The buy-in is twice Buckle's treehouse. 209 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,400 A lot of players you're seeing here 210 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,403 will play the Chimdale Stakes No-Limit Tournament next month. 211 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,738 Well, maybe I'll play in that, too. 212 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,532 Are you crazy? 213 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,784 The buy-in on that tournament is so steep, 214 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,869 it's like Buckle's treehouse on crack. 215 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,455 Jack-high straight. 216 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,500 Flush. Hearts a-flutter. 217 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,169 No. No! 218 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,756 Rose, please, give me one more week! 219 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,093 The debt must be paid. 220 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,220 Mommy! 221 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,806 - What the hell was that? - Keep your voice down. 222 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:01,892 That's Frog Rose, Frog Ross's cruel sister. 223 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,937 She took over his chain of successful Foie Grastaurants. 224 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,814 Anyway, Frog Rose is a backer. 225 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,774 Someone who loans a player betting money. 226 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,818 But she charges such crazy interest, 227 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:13,029 you have to win right away or... 228 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,114 - (SNAPS FINGERS) - She snaps you? 229 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,992 She takes you away and you're never seen again. 230 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,703 I mean, maybe she does snap you somewhere behind closed doors. 231 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:24,206 I don't know. The point is, I don't work with backers and you shouldn't either. 232 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,209 Of course, all my decisions have left me completely broke and alone. 233 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:31,047 But as God is my witness, nothing can stop me from giving advice. 234 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,803 You touch your wedding ring when you have a hot hand, 235 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,889 especially two-pair, jacks with eyeballs. 236 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,559 - Rubber electrician's gloves will... - I'll just take it off. I don't care. 237 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:44,894 Yikes. 238 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,279 You're grinding your teeth when you have a dead hand. 239 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,615 We need to go further into the barley. 240 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,704 $380, $400. 241 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,706 $401. 242 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,708 And here's a little something extra 243 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:11,003 because you look so cute with your ass up in the air. 244 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,296 STAN: Ooh! 245 00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,215 - Who's "oohing" in here? - And about what? 246 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,929 Your eyes wrinkle at the corners when you're hunting clubs. 247 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,555 Time for wraparound Oakleys. 248 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:28,813 (LAUGHING) 249 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,693 I'm on a bad run. 250 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,654 Somebody help me with my life. (GASPS) 251 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,989 You tuck your chin when you're trying to bait someone. 252 00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:53,379 Every time I come to whisper in your ear is a huge tell. 253 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,922 I should stop but I can't. 254 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,507 Who is that woman? 255 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,760 That's the second table she's run this week. 256 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,097 No one knows anything about her or where she came from. 257 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,975 They started calling her the Pink Sphinx. 258 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,601 Pink Sphinx. 259 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,062 That's a stupid-sounding name. 260 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,897 You got that right, Frog Rose. 261 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:20,990 I think you're ready to take your poker face up to the big table. 262 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,875 So anything new with anyone? 263 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,960 The fur? I've always been a fur guy. 264 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,129 No, what's going on with Mom? 265 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,047 I bet we could guess. 266 00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,132 You'd be wrong. 267 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,969 We've barely seen you since game night, when you were so upset. 268 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,764 - Nope. - What are you doing? Another game? 269 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:47,975 HAYLEY: Yeah, that's it. 270 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,770 But what game? 271 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,314 The glasses. Why? 272 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:54,857 HAYLEY: To hide the eyes? 273 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:55,941 STEVE: A mask? 274 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,693 HAYLEY: A poker face. 275 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:58,861 Run, Francine! 276 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:02,114 No, you're right. I am playing poker. 277 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,325 I hope you're sticking to small-time games. 278 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:07,912 Yeah, with a poker face like that, the real players will eat you alive. 279 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:11,081 Actually, I have a great poker face 280 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,918 and I play in big, big games. 281 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:17,379 I'm playing in the Chimdale Stakes No-Limit Tournament. 282 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,424 I need to be in that tournament. 283 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,301 Where will you get the money for the buy-in? 284 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,637 What about Frog Rose? 285 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,515 A total death sentence. Let's brainstorm other ways. 286 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,810 Do you know what a catalytic converter looks like and where it is on a car? 287 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,271 FROG ROSE: You did the right thing coming to me, sugar. 288 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,524 I'll stake your buy-in. 289 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:41,612 I think you'll find the terms very, very diabolical. 290 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,573 Although legally, they have to be called nefarious. 291 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,910 Those lousy lawyers. Where do I sign? 292 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,331 Francine! 293 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,251 Welcome to the big leagues, baby. 294 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,669 - Busted. - 'Sup? 295 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,879 Mom, we figured out what's going on. 296 00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,506 You have a gambling problem. 297 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,591 - Nope. - Then quit right now. 298 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:05,261 - Nah. - Time for Plan B. 299 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,763 Enter the tournament and defeat you ourselves 300 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,640 to save you from this addiction. 301 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,268 How could you both afford the buy-in? 302 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,854 We just pawned our dad's huge fur coat collection. 303 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,772 MAN: Oh! That's smart. 304 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,316 We've got your number, Pink Sphinx. 305 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,610 See you at the final table. 306 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:26,740 It looks like we're actually at your table in the first round. 307 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,460 Damn, I'm out. 308 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,296 I don't really know how to play poker. 309 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,089 I don't really know why I thought I did. 310 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,014 All in. 311 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:54,059 Hmm... Are you bluffing? 312 00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:59,481 Harder to read than normal, but I still sense something. 313 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,485 FRANCINE: I need to go deeper. 314 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,371 (EXHALING SOFTLY) 315 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,416 Wow. Maybe you can hide from me. 316 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,169 Still, my first instinct was call. 317 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,341 A pair of eights. Sweet 16. 318 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,510 Absolutely nothing. 319 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,763 The toilet flush. 320 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:34,141 The underaged boy wins the round. 321 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,979 BOTH: (SINGING) We saved our mom today We saved that Mom 322 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,982 Mom, where are you going? 323 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,652 Did we save you? 324 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,790 ROGER: (SINGING) On a humid, swampy evening 325 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,209 In a swamp boat bound for Swampville 326 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,337 The Pink Sphinx was a-taken 327 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,422 To where, she could not ask 328 00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:08,133 Because she died inside her mind 329 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,011 To try to hide her tells 330 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:14,139 And what was once a poker face 331 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,016 Is now a death mask 332 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:22,231 Oh, it looks like winning just wasn't in the cards, my little moss blossom. 333 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,524 But don't worry. 334 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:27,569 You can spend eternity here in my big old wet casino 335 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:30,656 in the dead, dark heart of the swamp. 336 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,825 (CACKLES MENACINGLY) 337 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,502 ROGER: Well, the swamp witch had old Francine 338 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:46,422 And there was no one that could stop her 339 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,008 Then along came her penitent kids 340 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,927 And a handsome man named me 341 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,183 Hey, Mom. Keep running into you at casinos. 342 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,937 But it seems like we maybe didn't save you. 343 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:04,189 It seems like we maybe doomed you. 344 00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,151 Because we didn't understand what was going on. 345 00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:09,486 Well, well, well. 346 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,531 If it isn't the Gambler. 347 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,075 - Frog Rose. - You think you're such hot gumbo 348 00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:17,369 because Kenny Rogers wrote a song about you. 349 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,581 Well, Fred Schneider of the B-52s 350 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,000 wrote Rock Lobster after he saw moi 351 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,503 get a nasty sunburn at Rehoboth Beach. 352 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:29,673 Excuse me, but we want to take our mom away from here. 353 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:32,760 Unfortunately, I own her marker, 354 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,428 and at the rate I'm paying her, 355 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,848 she won't be free to leave in this lifetime. 356 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:42,227 What if we play you for her in a game of poker? 357 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,897 What are you putting up for stake? 358 00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,692 Us. We'll work here forever, too. 359 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,570 Ooh! That's what I was hoping you'd say. 360 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,906 I love that kind of shit. 361 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:58,869 Now, join me at my spookiest table. 362 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,081 So which one of you kids am I playing? 363 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,833 You'll be playing Mom. 364 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,293 She's the Pink Sphinx, 365 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:09,171 and you'll never get a read on her in a million years. 366 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,881 You want to pick her? 367 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:14,384 She's a drooler, boy. Un zombo de zwamp. 368 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,804 A fan boat with no gas, as it were. 369 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,306 Only because she thinks we don't believe in her. 370 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,600 Maybe. Is that it? 371 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,644 Why won't you talk? 372 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,196 And now, with her own children at stake, 373 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,490 she'll surely shake off whatever this is. 374 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:37,991 HAYLEY: Please, Mom. 375 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,669 If she doesn't play before the game timer is up, she forfeits. 376 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,130 What? Where did this hourglass come from? 377 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,214 Gator goons. 378 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,757 This game is in the bag, 379 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:57,219 and you're about to have two more cursed co-workers. 380 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,805 You're going to have badges and everything. 381 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,683 No breaks, though. (CACKLES) 382 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,811 I can't read anything. 383 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:07,563 She's not there. 384 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,444 (GRUNTS AND SCREAMS) 385 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,905 I got you. 386 00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:20,242 You thought I was dead, and I (BLEEP) got you. 387 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,660 - She's back. - Mom's back! 388 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,162 You little rat punks. 389 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,790 You know me so well from reading my frickin' body, 390 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:30,335 you can tell I'm upset before I'm ready to talk about it. 391 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,296 - Wow, we didn't... - Shut up. 392 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,298 I'm ready to talk about it now. 393 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,175 I am upset. 394 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,135 I don't like game night. 395 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,179 I don't like this swamp. 396 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,555 I don't like poker. 397 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,932 I do like your father in fur. 398 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:47,060 I don't like you accusing me of being upset, 399 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,104 especially when I am! 400 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,899 And I don't like these cards. 401 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,859 Don't say that in front of you-know-who. 402 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,527 I can't win with this trash. 403 00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,739 Two of diamonds, six of hearts. Trash. 404 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:02,075 You're not really telling me your cards, are you? 405 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:03,160 What is this? 406 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,329 - What's the play? - No play. 407 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:06,622 I have a bad hand. 408 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:09,625 All you have to do is stay in the game and you'll beat me. 409 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,837 (CHUCKLES) Cute. But I'm too smart for that old trick. 410 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,505 {\an8}I fold. 411 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:20,510 {\an8}Ugh! Of all the Foie Gras luck. 412 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:22,554 {\an8}I tricked myself! 413 00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,723 I guess this is mine. 414 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,517 STEVE: Time's up. You lose. 415 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,686 What? No! 416 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,731 We came all the way out to the mangrove table for this? 417 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:40,113 {\an8}ROGER: Well, you better know your mother 418 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,783 {\an8}When you're teasing her on game night 419 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,702 {\an8}Know when to bother her 420 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,374 {\an8}And you should count your money 421 00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:53,794 {\an8}With one of those fast and accurate Counting machines 422 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:56,088 {\an8}Kenny Rogers is a liar 423 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,423 {\an8}Sometimes a cliff's a bluff 424 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,885 {\an8}That's the take. That's the one.